I Wonder What Grandma Did During…

We have discussed in the past that we want our grandchildren and children to know us for more than the role we play in their lives; we want them to see us as well-rounded and accomplished human beings. For many of us, there is much more than that we wish to impart to the generations that follow us.

We feel that it is necessary for our children and grandchildren to have greater context for their lives, an understanding of what went before them in the times of their ancestors. 

We have stories to tell, what shaped you and therefore why you tried to raise them a certain way and pass along particular life lessons. If you or your parents immigrated to this country, possibly escaping war and persecution, it is essential to share that history, because it is a story that belongs to the whole family and should not be lost. We also have our stories, how we thrived in adversity, lived with different mores and laws, and what it was really like to be a woman trying to enter a “man’s” world”. We wore mini-skirts and blue jeans for the first time and ushered in the time of free love and reveled in rock and roll. We have secrets that we may or may not want to share. We definitely have wisdom, and we know it will be relevant at some critical point in the lives of our offspring.

How best to share stories and wisdom is up to you. You can make sure you tell a story every week if you have a family get-together. You can ask one of your children or grandchildren to tape you over a year, sharing what you think is important to tell. Alternatively, If you are so inclined, write it all down. There are services that can help you with this and you can create something tangible and beautiful, a real keepsake. Do it alone or do it with your partner or sister or someone else dear to you. It will be helpful to organize your history and make it interesting and transparent. Whether it is in chronological order, or you tell stories about each person you loved, we are sure it will be compelling. Admit that memory is faulty, and stories change over the years, and it all comes from your point of view, but they are your memories.

The point is do it and do it while you can, and the memories are sharp. Whether the next generations know it now or not, it will ultimately be treasured.

I Can’t Wait for My Vacation, But I am Not Packing

So many of us are travelling again, but we have noticed an interesting trend; our members are talking about an intense dread of packing.  No problem about all the other travel activities; hair appointment, nails, mail, and last-minute correspondence–check, check and check. But we are hearing that packing is an insurmountable task–from what to take, choosing a suitcase, to the fear of forgetting something. Rationally, we know that things can be replaced on vacation, and we can easily re-wear some clothes, but knowing this doesn’t help the nerves.

Here are some of the stories we are hearing. One woman begins packing ten days before the trip but has to start taking some of her possessions out of the case because she no longer has enough to wear. Someone else literally had to have a friend come over and do most of the packing for her. And one woman waits to the very last second to pull out the suitcase and actually pack—everyone is leaving for the airport and she is still adding and deleting items.

And yet, no one complains about packing to come home, so the anxiety is not literally about packing that suitcase. As you plan what clothes you need to take, there is a recognition that you really don’t know everything that is going to happen during your vacation, so you can’t possibly know precisely what to bring. You only know the trip represents a change from your normal schedule and environment. We think this is the crux of the matter; as we age, we see uncertainty as adventure but also risk. Travel is what we want, but packing is the symbol of all that will be different. Also, having the familiar surround you, gives you a level of security—just like being at home.

So, we recommend spreading your packing out over a couple of days so that it doesn’t feel as if it is such a big deal? If you are anxious about it, be mindful about what is really bothering you. It’s not about folding up that dress and putting it in a suitcase, it is recognizing that you may have no idea what you are going to be doing when you are wearing that dress; also ask, will the familiarity of that dress really bring you comfort?

I wonder how many other things we blame for making us anxious, when they are nothing more than symbols of a situation that we can’t completely control?

Are You Looking At Me?

It is happening, I don’t want to see it, acknowledge it or let it bother me, but just between us, it is getting under my skin. We go to that new, hip restaurant, or a show or festival and OMG, we are the oldest people in the place. I am searching for other grey heads and we are wildly in the minority.
I often have two simultaneous and conflicting thoughts, and I remember that it is a sign of intelligence to be able to hold more than one idea, particularly conflicting ideas, in your head at the same time. Take that, all you millennials and Z’s, but I digress. Thought number one: I feel uncomfortably out of place, and maybe unwelcome. Thought number two: This is where I want to be. I can still experience life to its fullest and we don’t have to hang out at the early bird special if we don’t want to. Look everyone, how vibrant we are.

I confess to dwelling on this a bit and I also know I have to cop to thinking ageist. In my heart of hearts, I know no one is staring and wishing we would go back to our own kind; those thoughts are coming from me. The only one making me feel uncomfortable in these situations is, well, me. And, the other side is also true, no one is looking at us and thinking look how cool they are to be here, I wish my parents/grandparents would be like them. They simply don’t care, they are having their own moment.

I believe it is time for me to get over myself and do as we preach at Defying Gravity.life; do whatever the heck I want to do and not care what anyone else thinks as long as I am not breaking any laws. This sense of “do I belong here” touches so many aspects of being female and older. Do I belong on this board, do I have what it takes to be a mentor or coach, should I go for my deferred dream, take that trip alone, go on a dating site, sign up for karate? When we let these doubts win, our life shrinks and although “society” may play a part, we are the ones throwing our dry clean only lives in the dryer.

Gotta’ go, have to make a reservation at that new restaurant that only serves blue food on the third Thursday of every month….

Money Is A Terrible Master But An Excellent Servant

When women retire from a career, we have found that they sometimes have an interesting relationship with money. This can be exacerbated if a partner is still working and continues to provide the household with cash flow. I think it also can be influenced by who was the primary earner, or if it is a blended family. Like other things in retirement, the money just stops—the month before the check came in as normal, and the month after retirement, well it simply doesn’t arrive. You could be one of the lucky few who get a real pension, but even that is different than a paycheck.

After all these years of contributing to the household income and controlling your own paycheck, it ends, and it is one more thing that can make us feel “less” than when we were working. Now we may know intellectually that this is ridiculous; hopefully, you and your partner, if you have one, planned for retirement and the money is saved for the time the paychecks stop rolling in. But, I have seen women, even women with hefty pensions, feel like their contributions all through the years have been wiped out, particularly if the partner is still working, or was the primary earner. Suddenly, you are living on “his” paycheck or beginning to draw down savings. Money is one of many
yardsticks we use to measure success and contribution to the household;money can also be a great equalizer in relationships and that balance could
be gone.

We don’t know how we will react when the pay check stops, even if you planned well, but we often see a reaction that is not 100% healthy. Women who really don’t need to do so start looking at ways to earn some money,even if they really don’t want to work, or worry about dwindling savings when they don’t have to do so.

Money, like most things, should be measured over a lifetime, not what happened last week.The savings came from those paychecks, the house is a result of how you contributed, the children have been provided for and now is the time to enjoy some of those hard-fought earnings. Don’t let anyone, including your partner, make you feel guilty because the paycheck spigot is off. Most importantly, don’t you fall into that trap—enjoy yourself, you literally EARNED it!Read More ...

Nike Was Right, “Just Do It”

We fervently believe that when you retire from your career, it is totally up to you how you live your life. No more bosses, hopefully your children are independent, and you are financially secure. A life of freedom, a time for you to do you. But, there is still one inescapable truth, one master we still have to serve—our bodies.

 We can’t ignore this—our bodies thrive with exercise. I envy those who love to work out, who live for their tennis game, dance class or face the day in their running shoes. But if that is not you, we still don’t have a choice, not if we want to age slower and feel good doing it.

The CDC lauds the value of exercise for the aging. Their report could not be more compelling; exercise helps accomplish the following:
•     Living independently
•     Reduces all of the following threats to our health:
⦁ Falling and bone fractures
⦁ Heart disease
⦁ High blood pressure
⦁ Colon cancer
⦁ Diabetes
•     Lessens anxiety and depression and actually fosters feelings of well-being.
The National Center for Biotechnology Information reports on several studies that links exercise to positive cognitive functioning and we all worry about staying sharp.

So, let me get this straight, if I do this one thing for me, I will reduce most of the scourges of old age? Yes, please.

What I have learned is that the sooner you make exercise routine in your life the easier it will be. Tough to start skiing or kick boxing at 70, but if you have been doing it for years, just keep it up. I have also put it on my schedule and made it as inviolate as possible. I schedule around the exercise as if it is a serious commitment because it is one of the most important things I do for me. We had real excuses when we worked and were balancing work and our families and being too exhausted to find time to exercise, although many of us did it. Those excuses are gone, and we need to do this for ourselves—it is a critical act of self-love.

Just Google the benefits of exercise among the elderly like I did—I got 130,000,000 hits. I couldn’t summarize it all for you, because I had to go exercise.

Happy International Women’s Month to the bravest generation of women I know.
“A girl should be two things: who and what she wants.” Coco Chanel

I’ll Have an Order of Stress with a Side of Anxiety, Please

Are we purposely inventing stress in our lives? We know it is an odd question, but we have been noticing a bit of a trend. Let us explain.

Whatever you did, you undoubtedly had a very full life with lots of obligations; not fulfilling those obligations was not an option. For example, work was a necessity, work commitments had to be met, right and on-time, taking care of children had no off ramp, elder parents often had needs that could not be ignored and we cannot forget about our partners. We had deadlines and schedules, and our calendars dictated our lives. Many of us simply got used to the constant pressure as a way of life. Some of us thrived, some of us just managed. We sacrificed free time, hobbies, time with friends hired others to do tasks like house cleaning or childcare, when we could, and accepted this unremitting pace as our way of life.

And now, we are retired or retiring or working part-time and there is less stress of the “having zero-time-to-myself” variety. We see some people trying to recreate that stress in their lives by obsessing over their comparatively modest to-do list. People who made Board presentations on the future of a company, or fretted about a million-dollar deal, or shaped young lives are now talking about the stress of keeping the house clean while planning a vacation or doing some important, but not life altering, work for a charity. This is not to criticize, but to recognize that some kind of transference from our pre-retired life appears to be happening and that we are actually manufacturing the kind of stress we used to have at work—like we miss it or need it. This is not to say that we don’t have other stress in our lives, but we are talking about this particular kind of anxiety from our working, child-rearing days.

It is an interesting phenomenon, and while we do not like to judge, our instinct is that it is not particularly healthy.  After decades of dancing to the tune of our professional and family needs, it seems like we are loathe to relax or keep things in the proper perspective. Whatever you are doing matters to you, and you want to do it well, we get that, but coveting stress seems like we are valuing the wrong thing from our purposeful pasts.Read More ...

Lessons From Barbara

The death of Barbara Walters and the recap of her remarkable career got us thinking, as always, about the central mission of DefyingGravity.life, transitioning away from work. Whether you were a fan or not is not really important to the acknowledgement that she went where no other women had gone before and she was not particularly welcomed. We have listened to the tributes and besides her daunting accomplishments, there were several themes that were repeated over and over again that echoed so much of what we talk about.

Here is what we heard that we think bears repeating as we face our own transitions and the issues of retiring and aging.

• She withstood a lot of negative behavior from men as she broke barriers, and she didn’t let it stop her. She was a very public figure, and she received her share of damaging press, but she kept coming.
• She eschewed ageism—she started The View when she was 68, and actively participated on air until she retired at age 85!
• She was feminine, but oh so direct. She asked the toughest and most personal of questions—the questions she knew her audience wanted to hear even if it made them a little squeamish.
• She mentored so many women journalists—I have seen at least a dozen women in the last several days say, “she changed my life”. She was very generous with her wisdom and apparently did not see the young rising journalists as competition, but her legacy.
• She was brave; she interviewed every sitting president from Nixon to Obama and many other world leaders, such as Putin, Sadat and Castro. She said to Castro, “You allow no dissent. Your newspapers, radio television, motion pictures are under state control.” Further, she did not bow to rules she did not believe in.

As we face ageism and sexism and sometimes feel invisible and resentful, her life shows how someone can persevere in the face of all that the world throws at them. We know, like every human on this planet, she had some regrets, and she was not a perfect human being, but the lessons of her life can be a light for us as we sometimes feel discouraged and fight the good fight to be seen, heard and recognized. As many have said, we stand on her shoulders, and now we live in a time that women are more powerful than ever before. Regardless, of our age, let’s own that power. Thanks Barbara. Read More ...

Go Fly a Kite (What in the world does that mean?)

We have learned so much doing research for DefyingGravity.life and now we find that there are common expressions that are not so benign– you know what we mean, the sly back-handed compliment, condescension and the inane passed off as profundity. So here is our list of those expressions that should be banned forever and our own testy explanations as to why. Please share your list and make us laugh. Here we go.

Cacophonous Catchphrases to be Excoriated

1. You look marvelous, for your age. (Translated: You look old, but for someone so old, you are not that gross.)
2. 70 is the new 50. (No, my ignorant friend, it is not—at 50 we had children in school, we were still trying to get ahead in our careers and our parents were our age now and able to help us. We want to move forward not back.)
3. Age is just a number. (Elderhood is actually a completely different phase of life that causes us to face new realities and experience a freedom we haven’t had in 50 years. It ain’t just a number, it is something real.)
4. Age is something that doesn’t matter, unless you are a cheese. (See number 3 above and you couldn’t even say wine—I don’t want to be compared to moldy cheese.)
5. “Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter.” Attributed to Mark Twain, but apparently there is no real proof that he wrote it. (I adore Mark Twain, but even he can be wrong. Mark, how old were you when you came up with this ditty?)
6. Today is the oldest you’ve ever been and the youngest you’ll ever be again. (Maybe it is just me, but I find this downright depressing—it both lets us know the good old days are behind us and the best is not yet to come.)

However, we are not only surly as there are some expressions and phrases that lift us up. Here are our December favorites.

1. Happy Holidays
2. Merry Christmas
3. Happy Hanukkah
4. Happy Kwanzaa (Habari Ganit)

But our favorite, for any time of year is PEACE ON EARTH.

So, we wish the members of our DefyingGravity.life community the happiest of holidays, a healthy year ahead and PEACE ON EARTH. Thank you for your support. See you next year. Read More ...

I Miss Travel So Much, That I Am Not Going Anywhere

The holiday season and a brand-new year is upon us; depending on your point of view, COVID is not nearly as scary and it is time to return to some level of normalcy with regard to travel, attending family events and living. We see two kinds of retired folks—those that just couldn’t wait to schedule or reschedule their wish list of trips and those that talk about it. For some of us, it is hard to get started again. We think we want to go to all those wonderful places that we have dreamt about, but we find ourselves not booking the ticket. The trip is always sometime in the future. Why is that?

Well, we think there are several reasons why some of us are just not traveling like we did pre-COVID. First of all, we have been sidelined for a long time and we have become a little too comfortable staying home. Home feels safe, from COVID, from being in foreign places, from being far away from our medical care. We are out of practice when it comes to adventure, and it feels a little bold or challenging. We are that much older than the last time we took a trip and COVID has made us fearful and maybe even distrustful of foreign places and medical practices. It wasn’t that long ago that going out to lunch was a bold move and risky.

We hate to acknowledge it, but our savings have taken a hit just at the time that travel has become crazy expensive, and this is another good reason to maybe put off the big trip and do something closer to home. In addition, it has been too long since we have seen family and if we travel, it feels like we ought to visit loved ones.

See, there are lots of reasons to stay home that are perfectly rational. There is one good reason to book the ticket; it will be fun and once you go, it will be familiar and not scary at all. Time has been stolen from us and we shouldn’t let even more time slip through our fingers before we simply can’t go, or our pattern of staying home is entrenched. Europe is waiting, the safari will be glorious, get to Machu Pichu while you can still hike it, and the beauty of Bali or Hawaii awaits you. Remember, retirement is pay back for all that hard work raising a family and building a career—go have some fun! Read More ...

Introspection About the “O” Word

This is a delicate topic. We talk so much about “old” not being a pejorative, but just another phase of life in which we get to write our own story. Despite the prevalence of ageism and sexism, we are proud and confident women within a history-making generation. However, there is a truth that cannot be denied, and getting older is difficult, particularly as the physical indignities of aging become more insidious and ubiquitous. We may relish our new-found freedom, and not wish to go back and do it all over again, but I don’t know anyone who loves the physical act of aging

We sadly acknowledge that aging represents the loss of the miraculous skin, the high boobs and behind, the way clothes fit, the shiny hair, the ability to eat anything and just the glory of having it all ahead of us. Yes, I know, every wrinkle tells a story and every sag boasts our experience, but most of us talk about how we loathe these changes and the tricks and creams and devices we use to fend off the ravages of age. So many conversations center around these indignities of growing old. And so, I wonder, is this a form of self-loathing or is it just a healthy fight to stay vibrant and a natural recognition of that which is changing? Is this destructive, because we are aiding a society that devalues us because of how we look?

Note, I am not talking about the more serious side of aging, which is real physical or mental decline. A topic for another day.

Here is what I have concluded. There are many days that are simply glorious, when I marvel at what I helped create in my children and grandchildren and pleased by my professional accomplishments and personal relationships. I say, to hell with my age or imperfect looks, this is a great time to be alive and vibrant and I am unbelievably fortunate to be living now, with all the advancements. There are other times, thankfully fewer days, when I am just annoyed with aging, and wonder why it has to be such an undignified process and I rail against the inevitable– in other words I am human.

Most importantly, I have learned to fight to have more glorious days, particularly because they are truly there for the taking. I can hate the physical act of aging and love myself, two thoughts that are not contradictory Read More ...

I Adore My Friends, But…

Many interesting studies have been conducted regarding the role friendships play in our lives as we grow older, and the results are consistent; friends are critically important with some studies even concluding that friendships as you age are more important than family. Kathleen Doheny in Everyday Health in April 2019 wrote “ As you get older, good friendships can dispel loneliness, improve your health, boost your sense of well-being, and even add to your years.” That is an extremely powerful statement and absolutely rings true.

We value our friendships with our whole heart, but lately as retirement continues, we have had an uncomfortable realization and we would love to hear from you and see if you agree. When we worked, we had friends of every imaginable kind; we had friends that were decades older and younger than us, men and women, different ethnicities, religions and backgrounds. As technology matured and some of us traveled for work, we made friends all over the world. Our core friends, those we went to school with or made through our children, were closer to our age and maybe even our backgrounds.

Once we retired, we lost many of our “work friends” in a natural process that just seems to happen. Our friends tend to be more our age; after all who else can lunch or play bridge or golf in the middle of a work day? While it is wonderful to relate to each other fully, we are beginning to miss the diversity of friendships we once had. Of course, many of us have children and grandchildren to whom we are regularly exposed, but that is just different. Our conversations with our friends often center on health, children and grandchildren. That is not to say that books, politics and entertainment are not discussed, but there are simply less diverse views to which we are exposed day in and day out.

We ask, should we push ourselves to be around different kinds of people more regularly? For example, Encore.org, a large seniors’ organization is devoted to pairing the elderly with youth mentoring opportunities.

Friends who understand us and where we are in life are of critical importance, but it may also be helpful to make sure that we are exposed to all kinds of people who promote diverse thinking and expose us to new trends and ideas. Do you think this will help us stay more relevant and in touch? Just hit reply and give us your thoughts. Read More ...

A Visit From Insecurities Past

So many of us lived through the “imposter” syndrome when we began our careers, trembling in meetings that we would be found out, that we didn’t have what it took to be in our roles. We suffered through this despite watching men confidently stride through their days, even when we knew they were clueless. We understood then, that we had to be markedly better than the men around us to be considered excellent, to move to the next rung of whatever we were seeking. Throughout our careers, even when we were the primary caretakers in our families, we worked harder, polished every perceived inadequacy and drove ourselves to achieve success in a world that naturally fought us. And little, by little we whittled away those insecurities, because every measurable indicator began to finally tell us, that we deserved to be right where we were. Our doubts never quite disappeared, because the work environment never fully embraced gender equality, but despite this we arrived.

And now we have left that world behind and we are ready to use our experience and expertise in new ways. We have a new freedom to experiment with different kinds of work and charity and fun or use an entirely different part of our brain. This is so fabulous, all these talented and confident women ready to grasp the next stage of our lives. And then it happens, our old friend insecurity comes roaring back into our lives. Sometimes we need to be called out about our own bad behaviors and not look outside of ourselves for blame or answers. Suddenly, we allow our conversation to be filled with interrogatories that go something like this:

Could I….?

• Who would want me…?
• I am not sure if I have the (fill in the blank) expertise, energy, technology skills to do (fill in the blank) although I have always wanted to try it.
• How would I do it?

Why is this? Most women say they don’t just want leisure from retirement, that they continue to want purpose. We must hold ourselves accountable for finding a path that truly makes us happy.

By the way, failure at work might have been catastrophic, but now there are virtually no consequences to something not going perfectly. What a gift!

We know who we are and what we can do, we are not inadequate to the task. I guarantee it!Read More ...

Is This Still Our Fight?

At DefyingGravity.life, we don’t do politics, everyone is welcome here–period. However, these are extraordinary and polarized times and it does make us think about the world our generation is leaving for our children and grandchildren. It doesn’t matter on what side you stand with regard to any particular issue, baby boomer women are questioning our role in the current world order. We have always been a generation that fought for change, particularly as we demanded acceptance and equality in the workplace. But as we age, is it time for us to hand the fight over to those that have to live with the consequences or do we have an obligation to take an active role to continue to shape our legacy?

Based on the unnecessary generational divisiveness that is pushed on us by social media, we wonder if we are wanted and respected. In our opinion the divides between boomers, millennials and gen Z are as natural as all that came before. Generations demand their own identity, and to define themselves they move away from the previous generation and feel compelled to criticize what came before. Our parents’ crooners were poison to us as we discovered rock and roll. That has always been the case—social media has hyped this up to a fever pitch which we find ridiculous. Our point is simply that fighting for what you believe in is, by definition, a multi-generation fight as citizens and believers in a cause. The way in which we win is not divide and conquer but come together and take the power. Although all women obviously do not think the same, we sure have the massive power of numbers if we came together at the ballot box.

The baby-boomer group is large and we don’t think it is time to abdicate activism because we are beyond the age of reproducing, or our wealth is already established, or we will not run out of clean air or water. But, the younger generations must be active, and should lead. As we mold the future, we would be happy to follow the millennials and Z’s lead as they craft the future, but we are not happy to abdicate or stand on the sidelines. Forget the largely irrelevant differences between the generations, we owe them our activism to help them create the best possible future. Read More ...

The World Moved On and So Must I

If you are like most of us, when you closed the door to your office for the last time and walked into your long-awaited retirement, you were excited to attack a list of things for which you never could find the time. Congratulations, you are entering the honeymoon period of your new chapter and it all seems exciting. No more ignoring your interesting neighbors and the friends that have dropped out of your life. No more fantasizing about your deferred dreams now that you are in charge of your own time and agenda. Or are you?

Saying “no” is important self-advocacy and self-preservation. We often don’t do it, because we worry about hurting someone’s feelings, especially someone we care about. In retirement, we may believe that our excuses are flimsy, not as real as when we worked.

While you made your list and retired on your timeline, the world and the people in it have changed and you realize, your list was created in a vacuum. You know that neighbor that you found fascinating; now that you finally have time to get to know her, well, she is actively engaged in packing and leaving her home for a different kind of life far away. You go to your other neighbor to say you finally have time to walk during the day as you two have talked about for years, but she is busy with her career and school age children and a walk during the day is pure fantasy for her, just as it used to be for you. And then, of course, the classes, the factory tours, travel, the theatre, the concerts– the COVID! Closed signs altered your bucket list big time. Your friends, well they don’t have exactly the same interests as you. And, rather than smugly crossing out all the things you have accomplished on your list, you are simply crossing them out.

Well, who cares? Make another list because knowing and doing what you want to do is important. For one thing, COVID restrictions have changed significantly and you have to figure out what makes you comfortable as far as venturing out to events. Create a list that works for you today. Plan some things, like trips for the future, so you have events to anticipate. Really focus on your hobby or discover a new one—you have the time. Pamper yourself, update that old sofa, take that cooking class, and join that book club.
But most importantly, don’t let minor setbacks become more than they are. At work, we learned that a setback was an opportunity—that has not changed. Read More ...

What Makes ME Happy? I Have No Idea.

In this phase of our life, if someone asked you to fill in the blank in the following sentence, “I need ____________ to be happy.”, would it be easy for you? We are going to make this a little harder and disallow the following answers as too baseline: good health, economic certainty, family and friends. The question is aimed at you, what do you need to do, experience, or how do you need to behave to be truly happy.Maybe it is just us, but we find this question way more daunting than it should be.

We often hear women answer purpose or feeling valued, but those are quite non-specific and they don’t push someone to dig deep. If indeed, you want purpose, the next question is what gives you a sense of purpose and do you care if society thinks the answer is frivolous. We can even go down a rabbit hole defining happiness; no one is happy all the time and do we still want that heady feeling of delight in life or at this point is contentment what we seek? What do you need to do to make you happy?

Why, in retirement, is there often a slight sense of disappointment regarding whether you are doing enough, or if what you are doing is important enough? Why does a great afternoon with friends feel indulgent? Why are so many of us annoyed when we have responsibilities that force us to do something like work, when we volunteered to do it? Why does an empty day feel like a failure? All these nuanced feelings chip away at happiness.

Not everyone feels the same way, some may vehemently disagree with how we characterize the pursuit or even the need for the pursuit of happiness. But, these are the things we hear from women. So, our message is to think about this seriously before you retire and ameliorate your plans as you go if they are not working for you. Personally, we are not ready to settle for contentment, we want real happiness that comes to us from something well-done, that adds value for others. that gives us a sense of accomplishment and makes us feel like we still matter. We need a little feedback and recognition. What makes you happy, be honest, and when you find it, we urge you to go for it. After all the years of work and raising families, we surely deserve it. Read More ...

I Don’t Think So, No, Heck No!

Saying no is hard and too often we hear our self, saying “yes” to requests for our time when inside we are saying “no” and then we are resentful and unhappy with our decision. So, how do you say no to well-intentioned incursions on our freedom? And, how do you not feel bad about it?

Saying “no” is important self-advocacy and self-preservation. We often don’t do it, because we worry about hurting someone’s feelings, especially someone we care about. In retirement, we may believe that our excuses are flimsy, not as real as when we worked.

Below are several critical things to practice when you want to say no:

• You do not have to offer a specific excuse as to why you are saying no. It can be a trap: “I have to take my dog to the vet.” “Well, then how about tomorrow or next week?“
• You can say no in a very compassionate and kind manner such as
  • Unfortunately, I just have too much on my plate now.
  • Sounds like fun, but I am not taking on any more obligations.
  • Thanks so much for thinking about me, but I am just too busy.
• “People sometimes have a hard time saying no because they haven’t taken the time to evaluate their relationships and understand their role within the relationship. When you truly understand the dynamic and your role, you won’t feel as worried about the consequences of saying no. You’ll realize that your relationship is solid and can withstand your saying no.” [1]
• Don’t defer your inevitable “no” with, “let me check my calendar”, or “check with my partner”.
• If you are interested and think it would be good for you, but the time is not right, let them know that you wish to be considered next time.
• If someone near to you, let’s say a child, wants a long-term commitment to watch their children for instance, think about what works best for you not just them. Do not be afraid to negotiate the terms, for example, two days is the maximum you wish to give.

In the end, the advice is pretty simple, say no like you mean it, and be a little bit selfish. We have earned the right to be who we are and to do as we wish with our free time in retirement.
[1] Inc., 7 Tips for Saying No Effectively, by Jonathan AlpertRead More ...

Where to Live, How to Live?

It is happening. You are retiring and you and your partner, if you have one, face a world of possibilities. You are excited and trepidatious as you consider the myriad options you face. One of the biggest questions is where should we live and how will this decision impact our new lifestyle? It is a big world and there are so many choices.

Consider the following, for example:

You may very well be living in the large house in which you raised your family and it requires a lot of upkeep. It is very nice to have space for family visits and those glorious Christmas or Thanksgiving holidays, but it’s a lot for a couple of glorious weeks a year. And, a good part of your retirement nest egg might be tied up in the house.

• If you think downsizing is for you, do you want a smaller house, no stairs, can it be maintenance free
  or is it time for an apartment?
• Are you interested in a community that caters to retirees?
• And then, there is climate to consider. If you are in a place that has formidable winters, you may think now
  is the time to bask in the warm. But, a move opens up many more questions.
  • Do we move or just become snow birds?
  • All my friends are here, do I want to start over making new friends at this stage of
  • my life?
  • What will please both of us—climate, water, mountains, golf, culture?
  • Buy or rent?
  • Can we afford to maintain two places with cars, insurance and maintenance, let
  • alone purchase price and furnishings?

We have long urged people considering retirement to make a plan and discuss your goals, needs and wants openly with your partner and figure out how best to design a life that meets both your needs. If you are without a partner, then being close to family and friends may be even more critical, but locked in by dreary winters, even more energy draining.

This is the rest of your life, hopefully a long and healthy one and making these decisions should be faced with anticipation and a bit of rigor. Also, please remember that these choices can be expensive, but they are not irreversible. Or, simply put a toe in the water; rent for a couple of winters in a variety of places and see what feels like home. Try it—you might like it!

We want to recognize and honor International Women’s Month and we found this relevant quote from one of our feminist pioneers.

“...There are only questions I must answer for myself. What is the balance

between home and the road? Hearth and horizon? Between what is and what

could be.?”

Gloria Steinem  Read More ...

Doctor, Are You Trying Hard Enough to Help Me?

Does this ring true to you? No matter what the ailment, however typical or bizarre, someone with an MD or DDS after their name gives you the same diagnosis—”you are getting older”. Well hot damn, I didn’t know that, so glad your years of medical school and experience can identify such a subtle issue.

Aches, pains, itching, memory, sex drive, stamina, sadness, weight, skin changes, bumps and just about anything else I can think of are all a result of aging and well, you just have to live with it. Maybe I can help you with the symptoms but nothing can be solved, let alone cured. Every time this happens to me and I am being ushered out of the office ten minutes after entering, or I get a similar report from my friends, I wonder, if I was thirty with these same complaints, wouldn’t you try and get to the bottom of the problem? Don’t get me wrong, I am relieved each time, nothing is seriously wrong with me and I leave the office feeling lighter than when I walked in. But, more often than not, I still have the problem and then I begin to get annoyed. I think “aging” is an easy answer and by the way, I get that there is a lot of truth in it, but I want you to try harder. Healthy older people shouldn’t have discomforts that would be put to right in someone younger.

I am not interested in doctors that over-test, but we come to be healed and treated respectfully and with equality. Don’t patronize me, don’t ignore me and please look a little deeper into my problem. I get it, that my skin is thinner, nerves closer to the surface and so things itch, hurt and bumps show; but if we understand it, then let’s get a little more sophisticated at solving it. Maybe you have to treat it differently than you would if I were thirty, but please treat it. Make it go away!

This is yet another outcome from an ageist society. What do you expect, you are “70”, should not be an approved medical answer! I expect to feel as good as I can, for as long as possible.

I don’t want small things to slow me down or narrow my life. Don’t look at me merely as a member of a class, but as an individual who comes to the doctor to have an issue solved. Fix it please, I have to go to a salsa lesson followed by a board meeting.

I Crave It!

Most of us loved certain things about our work. There were inherent challenges and accomplishments that helped define us and made us proud and happy. If you were one of the lucky ones, there might have been aspects of your work that put you in a state of flow. Flow simply means that you are doing a task that causes everything else to fall away. You are fully immersed in the task, there is a fluidity between your mind and body and you have little sense of time, or self or surrounding and it doesn’t feel like work. The task is challenging but not enervating.*

Painting is an example often used to demonstrate the concept, but think about what you enjoy doing and how amazed you are when you look up and so much time has gone by; it may have felt like a moment, but hours have passed. What was it for you at work that put you in a state of flow or at least made you happy or feel truly accomplished? There are no right or wrong answers; was it working on a sales presentation, teaching gifted students, writing, reading, researching, coding or some sort of design work? When you had a long list of tasks to do, what did you do first?

We are asking these questions, because this is a good place to start to determine how best to spend your time post-career or how to find your purpose. You are still you, and your skillset is still very much intact the day after you retire and what you love to do hasn’t changed. How do you duplicate flow in retirement? If you loved doing presentations, then figure out a way to be “on-stage” again; you can stand in front of a classroom and offer your expertise, or mentor others on how to make presentations. If it is writing, then write. If you used to get lost in the technical, there are so many open-source code projects, or write an app for the iPhone.

You get the drift, be honest about what made you happy at work, what allowed time to fly and gave you a sense of real accomplishment and then be creative about how to duplicate that feeling after your career ends. You deserve it.

*Flow is a concept pioneered by psychologist Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi  Read More ...

Who is THAT in the Mirror??

As we celebrate the holiday season and look forward to the new year, hoping against hope that we can simply be with each other, you know we have some thoughts about our favorite people–baby-boomer women. We strongly recommend we be kinder to ourselves. Not a profound thought, but we came to this recommendation honestly. Let us tell you a story.

A group of mature women went out to lunch to celebrate the holiday season. They were all so happy to be able to have their annual lunch in person, so most got a little bit dressed up, including hair and make-up. They were delighted to see their friends and they laughed and talked and behaved as they always did over the decades. Silliness was encouraged and they felt light, celebratory and young at heart.

After lunch, they took a walk to extend their time together. As one of them passed by a storefront with a plate glass window, she glanced in to see the offerings, but instead it showed her reflection. She saw an older women, who looked every bit her age, accompanied by a bunch of like-looking women. Who were these people, she thought? Were these the reflections of the women with whom she just had lunch and were now giggling over some nonsense as they strolled down the street. She paused and thought, how can the outside look so different than what I feel inside?

How many times has this happened to you? You come upon yourself unaware and you are surprised at how you look? And, it is not a good surprise. This is the secret of growing older, you feel young inside, you laugh with your friends like teenagers, but your body is reflecting the years. Whether you are a devotee or plastic surgery or acceptance, there is not a right answer, except this: Don’t hate that reflection. Don’t obsess on it. The world is already pretty focused on the young, the standard of beauty is reflected everywhere, don’t add your voice to the noise.

In the end, we know that the person we are on the inside is the real you. Now, we know the shell is important to most of us and it is the world’s first impression. But, who you really are, is that person laughing and feeling with your friends and family.  So please, as we turn to a new year, be kind to yourself and remember all you have accomplished, who you have touched, how you have loved and been loved and don’t let the surprise in the mirror diminish you in any way.

Happy holidays, happy new year from Monica and Iris. Defying Gravity is very excited to present you with great things in the new year. Remember to over-indulge.  Read More ...

I HATE This Job

We have noticed an interesting phenomenon when individuals are considering retirement. So many of us have been fortunate to have careers we love, and if it wasn’t love, we at least understood the critical purpose our jobs held in our lives. Work was as much a normal part of our lives and our psyche as every other critical part of our journey. And then we begin to consider retirement. When we start to lean toward knowing that it is time to leave, a funny thing happens. We begin to hate that job we loved.

As we talk to many people considering retirement, we hear common refrains, such as, the following laments:

• Too much stress! Too many hours!
• Unreasonable demands.
• Bosses that just don’t get it. Co-workers that just don’t get it.
• Constant changes that don’t really help (fill in your blank), the customers, the students, the patients.
• Bureaucracy, unnecessary paperwork, another new technology system.

This appears to be a necessary part of letting go. We are distancing ourselves from the job and the people, giving ourselves permission and adding layered reasoning to our decision. Effectively, we are saying, this is not just about me no longer wanting to continue, this is about the untenable changes on the job. We see this phenomenon occur in other parts of our lives but we don’t always connect the dots. When children go off to college or even overnight camp, the week or so before they leave can be quite challenging; we expected tender reminiscence and long soulful talks and all we got were arguments. They were detaching, just as we are trying to detach from our careers.

Retiring from a great career should not be remembered for all the things that drove you out and drove you crazy. Try and recognize what you are doing, how you are framing things to give you justification for leaving. Instead, try and remember why you loved your career, everything you have learned, all the wonderful people you have met and mentored and how it has enriched your life. In fact, it isn’t about the job changing, but you are changing. You are ready to let go of this part of your life despite how integral it has been to your purpose and identity. That is more than okay. Think of it this way, our lives are a made up of many tableaus and each builds into a fabulous mosaic. Read More ...

We Need A Plan

Whether retired or about to retire, we are guessing, you had a semblance of a plan. And then, as we say multiple times a day, COVID hit. Whether you put off retirement, because you didn’t want life to come to a screeching halt, or your life in retirement just paused for over a year, we feel like many need a new plan to relaunch.

How should I best restart my life, feeling safe and fulfilled?

Our suggestion is to simply make a plan. We have categorized the post-pandemic personality into three buckets and the plan depends on how you place yourself in the following categories:

1. Still cautious or frightened
2. A little trouble relaunching
3. Vaccinated and feeling undaunted

You don’t have to plan the rest of your life, but if you are cautious, make a one-month plan to take small steps. Meet a vaccinated friend and eat at a restaurant outside or take a walk. Join some friends on the week-end for an outside dinner. Stick with folks who are vaccinated, but put some activities on your calendar with other people.

If you are in category two, not as cautious but still having trouble relaunching, you should make a different plan. What was your favorite pre-COVID pastime? Was it bridge, or Maj Jong, or flea markets, or volunteering or exercise class?  What gave shape to your calendar and brought you both purpose and fun? Pick one thing and go back into it–no excuses, just start again.

If you’re category 3, believing I am vaccinated and feel undaunted by anything, make a bigger plan. Plan the vacation for which you have been yearning or start making your Thanksgiving plans. Throw a party—you have a built-in excuse—a post pandemic shindig.

Planning is the catalyst to getting something done. Others are depending on you, tickets have been purchased, reservations made and it is in your calendar. Once you take the first step, whatever it is, you are going to find that it just isn’t that scary.

Pace yourself, do what feels right for you, but planning is a huge help in moving forward. Knowing the vagaries of life, this might just be the right time to try all those things that you have put off for way too long. And having things to look forward to, feels like a long overdue dose of happiness. Read More ...

I Am Your Grandmother And So Much More

Your co-founders of DefyingGravity.life, have literally been friends since kindergarten and we have had the privilege of achieving milestone after milestone together. We celebrate as one, marvel at each other’s accomplishments and help each other through tough changes, as best friends do. So, it was not a surprise to us that we both became grandmothers in the last six months and it is natural for us to share this remarkable journey with each other and inevitable that we have some thoughts to share with you.

For those of you who are already grandparents, you know the wonder of experiencing your children having children and the thrill of adding a precious newborn to your family. And, let’s face it, being a grandparent is just special. However, as we are wont to do, we began to think, what does it mean to be a grandparent and how will my grandchildren see me—will we always be just the kind, indulgent, loving older family member?

As so often happens with us, we were thinking the same way. We want to make sure that our grandchildren understand that we were contributors, beyond being the parent of their parent. We feel a need for them to understand that we had lives that served a greater good and that we had well-rounded experiences that had impact beyond the home. Not because being a mother was not enough, but it just doesn’t fully describe us. We want them to see us as individuals who they could come to for the kind of advice and counsel that will help build them broadly into the people they will become.

We don’t want our grandchildren to come to us for history lessons only—what was it like in your day, but see us as people that have wisdom to ponder and ideas that can help them shape the future. It is up to us to present ourselves as we wish to be seen.

Grandchild, how will you talk about your grandmother? I hope you love my pumpkin bread and the warmth of my hugs; I want you to feel my unconditional love and pride in all you do. But, we are the generation that worked and set your parents on their path to self-sufficiency; we want to be role models, admired as much for our accomplishments as the warmth of our embrace.

Are we asking for the unreasonable when we say, please love us AND respect our broader contributions? Read More ...

Oh No, I Brought Me Into Retirement

We have discussed that retirement can feel like liberation and cited the statistics that tout that somewhere between the ages of 60 and 75 are the happiest years. All of this is true, but there is one other truth that cannot be ignored—we bring all our bad habits and neurotic ways into retirement with us. It is with some chagrin that we are learning that retirement is not a metamorphosis without some effort.

Too many of us use stress as a motivator. We had good excuses to be anxious; we were powerhouses at work, raising families, being good partners and friends and daughters. We had houses to run, charities to tend to and children that demanded huge amounts of our time and mind share. Or, were those just excuses that masked a personality trait, or did we become so used to this balancing act that it has become the only way we know how to operate.

Are you surprisingly still edgy, still feel stressed and anxious and don’t have the will to unwind? Do you find that having time to think, has turned into time to ruminate about whatever—your weight, what could have been, or old age? Do you find having nothing to do one afternoon registers like a failure? Are you channeling your stress into a perfect garden, a flawless dinner or working out to excess?

In short, did you do any work rewiring yourself when your life changed drastically and your work was simply gone from your day-to-day life? The fact is that the elimination of work is not, of course, the elimination of all your problems. And having more time, sometimes seems to make problems worse, more time to dwell and despite the time, no ability to fix that which may not be fixable.

But you do have time to work on yourself and address why you allow this anxiety to pervade your thoughts. More time to finally try meditation, yoga, practice mindfulness, or that hobby that has always piqued your interest. Do something big—move, redo the house, get a dog or small—plant a garden, join a book club or volunteer.

Do not find ways to manufacture your work stress, but do invent a post-retirement you that leaves some of those negative bits behind. Read More ...

Do I Hear You?

There is a common theme when discussing women aging and it goes something like this. “One of the great things about getting older is that you don’t have to care what people think about you and you can finally, just speak your mind.” I have been thinking about this and wondering if it is another myth of aging. Now, of course, all of us are different; I am sure some of you are thinking, I always spoke my mind or that you have become freer as you aged.

But, there are also many things we have discussed that continue to feel like the opposite of freedom to be our authentic selves. For example,

• This feeling of invisibility keeps us silent because it feels like no one is listening.
• We learned from Dr. Fiske, that older women get immediately “categorized” as nice and incompetent.
• There is much talk that it is our time to step aside and let the next generation rule.
• Many of us are not comfortable with adjectives such as eccentric or outspoken.
• We still tend to be the peacemakers within our families.
• We hear devastatingly negative language when women talk about encore careers; words like irrelevant, out-of-date, ageism and no one would want me.

So, when we really want something, whether it is from our partners, our children, a job, to be left alone, or to have our opinion valued, are we stepping up and speaking out? Do we have a new found freedom to speak our mind and demand to be recognized? This is not about rudeness or pushing to the front of the line, this is recognizing that with our experience comes wisdom and we have something to say and earned the right to say it and be heard. It is about stating directly, after all I have given, this is what I want. Here is where I want to vacation, I want to sit on this Board, I want to spend our money this way and I want to spend my time in the manner I choose.

So, I am curious, and would love to hear from you. Is this a myth that as we get older we speak our minds more frequently? Is anyon listening? Or, with age, do we have even more reasons to be timid?  Just reply to this newsletter and tell us what you think and we will listen. Read More ...

Liberation

We confess, we wanted to write something unrelentingly positive this month—we have all had quite enough of the unremitting pressure of 2020. Celebrating the remarkable upside of a post-career life was an easy choice.

Most changes in life are gradual. Yet when we retired, the next day we couldn’t manufacture the work stress, the packed calendar, the sense of everyone else controlling our time and the enormous mind share of work was simply gone. It was exactly like turning off that proverbial light switch. A little intimidating, yes, but absolutely liberating. And it has become clear that we are not alone.

The BBC reports that a study of over 300,000 people in the UK found that people are the happiest between 65 and 79. Psychology Today reports that the “Midlife in the United Status” research project found that happiness peaked between 60 and 69. Recent headlines have been blaring like findings. Acknowledging that these are averages and certainly not true for everyone, we know why this is so.

Freedom is intoxicating. For the first time in decades our children are independent (hopefully), our most intense working days are behind us, grandchildren bring a rare joy but not responsibility, and our time is simply our own. Hopefully, we have planned well, and we don’t have to dwell on the acquisition of money. We have time to learn new things, be with those we love, have down-time without guilt, and do whatever we want to do. We acknowledge a new found willingness to say what we think and behave the way we want—the angst of caring about the judgement of others is clearly diminished. And if we are still driven to work, to conquer a social ill, to watch our grandchildren to relieve the stress on our children, to have the finest garden in the neighborhood—it is all our choice, not out of necessity, and choice is a great thing.

So, for everyone who feels so sorry for the “elderly”, or fears the diminishing life of growing old—we have a powerful secret. This is the time of greatest happiness, used right it is a gift, one earned over a lifetime of commitment and responsibility.

“You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough.”Mae WestRead More ...

What If I Actually Have to Interview?

If you get the call and someone wants to interview you, whether it is for a seat on a charitable board or a part time position, don’t panic. Your first thoughts might be, I haven’t interviewed for decades or the interview has nothing to do with what I did before.  I can offer you the following concrete advice and I promise you—it works like a charm.

The operative words are prepare and practice.

• I presume you already know that you should do your homework on the organization–the internet is a treasure trove of information.
• The most important tip i can give you is prepareand practice your stories.
  • Most interviewing today is behavioral, meaning that rather than asking you what you might do in a situation, you will be asked what have you done in a similar situation.
  • Thus, prepare your stories in advance and pull them out as appropriate; this preparation will quell your nerves.
  • Think of the following kinds of stories:
    • The most creative thing you have done
    • Something that didn’t go right and how you fixed it or what you learned from it.
    • A time you had to do something you never did before.
    • How you handle stress/multi-tasking, with an example.
    • Think of anything else logical they might ask based on the role; for example, if it is a charitable board seat, think of an example in which you raised money.
  • Try and pivot the stories so they are relevant to the job at hand. If you were an attorney and thinking about doing something in local politics, portray yourself as a strategist, persuasive and unafraid to tackle tough opponents.
  • Practice these stories over and over again, out loud, so you are clear, succinct and don’t have to think about what to say or how to say it in the moment.
  • If the question has a negative overtone, such as why are you applying for something so different than the rest of your career, anticipate the question and practice. Anything that has a tinge of negativity merits a very short answer. Prepare a one-minute answer.
  • Don’t repeat yourself.

Finally, remember this, the interviewer wants you to succeed.  They want to find the best person and fill their vacancy—have the mindset, that you, with your lifetime of experience are that person. Read More ...

Do You Need New Friends?

One of the interesting complaints and concerns we often hear about women retiring is the loss of cherished work friends. The day-to-day contact with our work relationships breeds a kind of intimacy that is similar to the people with whom we live; they simply know everything going on in our everyday existence. And, you shared the commonality of work and the stress of work that only they understood. But, there are other issues that this concern masks that are not as readily obvious.

We choose our friends for a wide variety of reasons. Sometimes they just go back all the way with us and we can be our absolute authentic self with them. We choose friends because we have common interests, we can learn from them or they make us laugh. But when we begin to transition away from our careers, we sometimes find that our long-term friendships are no longer enough for some of the following reasons.

• They are at a different phase of their life; you have stopped working, they are still on the sixty hour a week whirlwind.
• You have finally moved to that better climate, full or part time, and you are leaving behind a life-time of friends.
• You have lots of free time to play with your friends, but you have to admit, your interests are not really aligned. You want to take classes, they want to golf.
• Your marital status or grandparent status is not the same, and that really changes availability and priorities.
• A difference in your health can drive a big divide between the ability to do the same things.
• Financial comfort changes the ability to engage in like activities; travel, great restaurants, shopping, theatre for example.

At a time when making new friendships was not on your to-do list for retirement, you may find it is necessary to add to your friendships in order for you to be truly happy and engaged. This is not about leaving your friendships behind, but enlarging your circle by trying the things in which you are interested and meeting exciting new friends. Make new friends, but keep the old…

Speaking of friends, DefyingGravity.life is working to enlarge our community. Be a good friend and invite your network to visit DefyingGravity.life and sign up for this newsletter and learn about the site. Read More ...

After the Pandemic–Living Like Your Life Depends On It!

All the words that can be used have been used to describe the anxious state in which we now live. Many of us reading this newsletter are in the age category in which COVID-19 is considered particularly dangerous and life threatening. If you are like me, you are being pretty observant regarding sheltering in place, physical distancing and practicing our new super power—germ destroyer. It is in times of stress and extraordinary life-changing events that we often think about how we will be when “this” is over. We think we will savor the precious nature of every common human interaction and every beautiful day in which we can go about our routine activities without apprehension.

As we discuss and dissect our transitions away from our careers, how does this global pandemic, with its senseless loss of life and new economic uncertainty, change our plans for our future? Do you think you will be braver, and more likely to try that something new that you always wanted to do? Will you finally walk onto that stage in your community theater, or start that business or take that class and make new friends? Will you finally retire? Will weeks, maybe months of isolation change us? Will we be bolder or more timid?

This down time can be a real chance for us to plan and evaluate or re-evaluate how we wish to spend our post-career lives. What do you miss in this time of inactivity, to what do you turn to make the time be productive and enjoyable? What do you do that makes time disappear and puts you in a state of flow, where everything falls away except the work? Is it reading, painting, writing, zooming with grandchildren, on-line classes, gardening, seeing every movie you love? These are things you value and may be an important clue as to how to spend your post-career life.

Let’s chase away some of this anxiety, by making a plan for what we will do differently when it ends. We now have a very clear picture of what a retiring life can look like and this should provide a helpful impetus to design a life that is meaningful and joyful to you.Read More ...

Risky Business

So many of us want to try something new and find purpose as we transition out of our careers.  We all have deferred dreams and many of us have ideas we have been nurturing for years about what will fill our days when we finish with our careers.  Some of us want to do what we were doing professionally, but less of it, or in a different application.  Some of us want to have nothing to do with what we did in our careers, but use some of our finally honed skills in a totally different way.  Giving back to our communities, the trips we never had the time for and the avocations that we practiced in stolen minutes are all part of what could be.

Too many of us are finding that we are not actualizing these deferred dreams, we continue to put them off.  Sometimes it feels just too risky to:

• Put yourself out there,
• Make an investment,
• Begin something new “at this age”,
• Tell skeptics what we want to do.

Ask yourself this direct question:  What if I start something new and I fail; what are the consequences?  Let’s think this through, putting financial considerations aside.

• If I go for that part-time dream job and I don’t get it—you are in exactly the same position as you are now.
• If I devote myself to my avocation and maybe even try to turn it into work, like teaching knitting or bridge, I am risking turning fun into work—then turn it back into your hobby.
• If I finally take that amazing trip or sign up for classes and they are a huge disappointment—okay, chalk it up to experience.
• If I started my dream business,  and I can’t make a go of it,  I could lose my investment, reputation and a lot of time and effort—presuming you did not invest more than you could afford, well you tried something you always wanted to do and you learned a lot.

Our point is simple—there are very few things in your post-career choices that have the kind of consequences that should cause you to stay frozen in place.  Time is not fungible anymore, and the risk of not trying, of always wondering what could have been, is the biggest risk of all. Please, try something new and have some fun. Read More ...

After My Career, What Exactly Do I Do?

This is the big topic– complex, unique to each individual, emotional, iterative and worrisome. Hopefully, you will recognize yourself in this newsletter and it will get you thinking and help you recognize that you are not alone. There are myriad reasons why women retire from their career, but we hear a consistent refrain that the path after is unclear. Here are a few thoughts to help you begin to think about this transition constructively.

There are some obvious questions you should answer, such as whether you need continued income and, if so, how much, but we want to delve into the less obvious issues that should be surfaced and addressed. For example:

• Do you have a passion for something; when you do it, you lose track of all time?
• How do I decide what makes me happy (a topic unto itself)?
• If you have too many ideas, how do you narrow them down and make a good choice?
• How do I repackage a lifetime of skills for something new?
• Once I decide, how do I actually execute on my ideas?

There are many more questions and so we developed a process for a course we taught at Stanford, to help women decide what is next after their career. We want to share the four steps of the process. We are holding a webinar on this approach on DefyingGravity.life, if you are interested in learning the details and how it works. It is simpler than it looks and will help you grapple with the questions that seem to have such elusive answers.
Step One: Articulate and Acknowledge
Step Two: Business Analysis
Step Three: Network
Step Four: Develop A Plan

Figuring out your after-career life, is a little like looking for a job; it requires a commitment and a dispassionate approach to something that is all about your passions. We see women creating new kinds of retirement approaches that makes them happy and fulfilled and fills them with energy rather than depleting them. You are not alone, facing this new freedom with some trepidation.
We want to end this newsletter with a great quote by Sheryl Sandberg,

“What would I do if I wasn’t afraid?”

We would love to have you join DefyingGravity.life to add your voice to this important discussion. Read More ...