{"id":1383,"date":"2020-02-25T09:38:39","date_gmt":"2020-02-25T14:38:39","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/defyinggravity.life\/?page_id=1383"},"modified":"2026-07-08T15:46:25","modified_gmt":"2026-07-08T19:46:25","slug":"newsletters","status":"publish","type":"page","link":"https:\/\/defyinggravity.life\/?page_id=1383","title":{"rendered":"Newsletters"},"content":{"rendered":"

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DefyingGravity.life<\/a> newsletters keep you informed. Packed with helpful tips and interesting insights.<\/p><\/h4><\/div>

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The Newsletters<\/h2>\n
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A\u00a0New\u00a0Bag\u00a0for\u00a0An Old\u00a0Bag<\/a><\/div>\n
How Old is Too Old?<\/a><\/div>\n
Trad Wife No More<\/a><\/div>\n
The Best Things in Life aren’t Things<\/a><\/div>\n
Martyrdom Is So 199000<\/a><\/div>\n
Games and Our Brains<\/a><\/div>\n
Artificial Intelligence-\u200b-Embrace or Eschew?<\/a><\/div>\n
Togetherness Is A Wonderful Thing<\/a><\/div>\n
Retirees Need Vacations Too!<\/a><\/div>\n
A Blank Canvas Cries Out for Vibrancy<\/a><\/div>\n
I Define Me--<\/code>Always Have, Always Will<\/a><\/div>\n
I Am So Absolutely, Positively, Without A Doubt (not) in Control<\/a><\/div>\n
How Cantankerous is Too Cantankerous?<\/a><\/div>\n
Hello Retirement, Goodbye Title<\/a><\/div>\n
When in doubt, choose change<\/a><\/div>\n
Childsplaining<\/a><\/div>\n
Even in Retirement, the Only Constant is Change<\/a><\/div>\n
How Is Dear Agnes?<\/a><\/div>\n
Admiring Myself From A Distance<\/a><\/div>\n
Stop Telling Me What to Do<\/a>
\nThis Will be My Last, I Mean My Best…<\/a><\/div>\n
She Was My Best Friend at Work, What Was Her Name Again?<\/a>
\nR is For Routine or Revitalize—Take Your PicK<\/a>
\nWe All Have a Story to Tell<\/a>
\nJust a Couple Hours a Week, I Promise<\/a>
\nAnger is Not a Good Look for Us<\/a>
\nMan, Oh Man<\/a>
\nI Wonder What Grandma Did During…<\/b><\/a>
\nI Can’t Wait for My Vacation, But I am Not Packing<\/a>
\nAre You Looking At Me?<\/a><\/div>\n
Money Is A Terrible Master But An Excellent Servant<\/a><\/div>\n<\/div>\n
Nike Was Right, “Just Do It”<\/a><\/div>\n
I’ll Have an Order of Stress with a Side of Anxiety, Please<\/a>
\nLessons From Barbara<\/a>
\nGo Fly a Kite (What in the world does that mean?)<\/a>
\nI Miss Travel So Much, That I Am Not Going Anywhere<\/a>
\nIntrospection About the “O” Word<\/a>
\nI Adore My Friends, But…<\/a>
\nA Visit From Insecurities Past<\/a>
\nIs This Still Our Fight?<\/a>
\nThe World Moved On and So Must I<\/a>
\nWhat Makes ME Happy? I Have No Idea.<\/a>
\nI Don\u2019t Think So, No, Heck No!<\/a>
\nWhere to Live, How to Live?<\/a>
\nDoctor, Are You Trying Hard Enough to Help Me?<\/a>
\nI Crave It<\/a>
\nWho is THAT in the Mirror??<\/a>
\nI HATE This Job<\/a>
\nRetiring–Again<\/a>
\nHave the Confidence to Have Your Own Show<\/a>
\nWhy Does the Word Retirement Evoke So Much Emotion?<\/a>
\nWe Need A Plan<\/a>
\nI Am Your Grandmother And So Much More<\/a>
\nSuccessful Aging-What A Crock of Nonsense<\/a>
\nWin, Win–Vacationing While Volunteering<\/a>
\nOh No, I Brought Me Into Retirement<\/a>
\nDo I Hear You?<\/a><\/div>\n<\/div>
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What I Learned About Ageism<\/a>
\nI Am So Busy and I Am So Bored<\/a>
\nLiberation<\/a>
\nWhat If I Actually Have to Interview?<\/a>
\nTrust Me, I Can Absolutely Do This!<\/a>
\nI love My Partner?<\/a>
\nDo You Need New Friends?<\/a>
\nAfter the Pandemic–Living Like Your Life Depends On It!<\/a>
\nI Will Ask Nicely One More Time–Please Get Out of My Way<\/a>
\nVocabulary Really, Truly, Genuinely Matters!<\/a>
\nRisky Business<\/a>
\nAfter My Career, What Exactly Do I Do?<\/a>
\nThe Holidays, A Marvelous Excuse<\/a>
\nWhy Do Women Retire Differently Than Men?<\/a>
\nI Want to Retire<\/a><\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>

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\u00a0<\/p>\n

A\u00a0New\u00a0Bag\u00a0for\u00a0An Old\u00a0Bag<\/b><\/strong><\/h2>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

Today, we want to talk\u00a0about purses.\u00a0We just want to\u00a0acknowledge how something relatively easy has become complicated, filled with choices that may hail great progress or\u00a0a\u00a0bit of\u00a0absurdity.\u00a0And, who would have thought, purses\u00a0are clearly\u00a0a\u00a0generational issue.<\/p>\n

Let us expand on this supposition.<\/p>\n

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When I went to\u00a0an office every day, I owned three purses\u2014black, brown\u00a0and navy.\u00a0If I was feeling flush, I may have gotten\u00a0a\u00a0beige or white purse for summer.\u00a0They\u00a0all matched my shoes, medium size\u00a0and leather.<\/p>\n

Now I must\u00a0ask myself the following questions before I set foot in\u00a0a\u00a0store or\u00a0an on-line marketplace.<\/p>\n

1.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0The budget for\u00a0a\u00a0bag\u00a0was\u00a0always\u00a0a\u00a0consideration.\u00a0But today, I have to narrow down\u00a0a\u00a0cost category between, $30\u00a0and $35,000.\u00a0That may seem extreme but\u00a0are you\u00a0anyone\u00a0at\u00a0all without\u00a0a\u00a0Birkin? (the\u00a0answer is definitely yes).\u00a0(Dare I buy\u00a0a\u00a0knock off?\u00a0See below, purse\u00a0as\u00a0an ethical decision.)
2.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0The\u00a0bag\u00a0style is\u00a0a\u00a0maze of categories such\u00a0as:
a.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0Purse:\u00a0If you\u00a0are not\u00a0a\u00a0baby boomer, your first question may be, \u201cwhat is\u00a0a\u00a0purse\u201d.\u00a0Besides\u00a0an occasional wedding, you haven\u2019t carried\u00a0a\u00a0purse since you began \u201cadulting\u201d.
b.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0Backpack:\u00a0Protect your shoulders you old fool\u00a0and get rid of that shoulder\u00a0bag\u00a0making you\u00a0all lopsided.\u00a0Carry that backpack that is bigger than your car\u00a0and uglier than your first pair of orthopedic shoes.
c.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0Cross-body:\u00a0How can you risk not being hands-free\u00a0at\u00a0all times so you can text while walking, carry your designer coffee or tea\u00a0and hold your mace\/whistle\/weapon of choice.
d.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0Cross-body Phone Pouch:\u00a0Designed to basically hold your phone, some cards\u00a0and maybe\u00a0a\u00a0lip balm or key.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0Why it\u2019s like you’re carrying nothing\u00a0at\u00a0all, because basically you\u00a0are.
e.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0Tote\u00a0bag:\u00a0The opposite of the phone pouch, you can carry everything in such\u00a0a\u00a0bag, including\u00a0a\u00a0full change of clothes\u00a0and\u00a0all that is necessary for\u00a0a\u00a0well- equipped emergency room.\u00a0Put that one on your shoulder\u00a0and prove you have no fear of lopsidedness.
3.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0Lots of materials\u00a0and what you choose can indicate your ethics\u2014who\u00a0are you really?
a.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0Leather, hello\u00a0animal killer
b.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0Vegan leather, hello\u00a0animal rights hero
c.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0Every man-made material known to man from cloth, to straw, to plastic, canvas\u00a0and whatever those Louis Vuitton\u00a0bags\u00a0are made of (all of which may be in\u00a0a\u00a0landfill until the end of time)<\/p>\n

So here I\u00a0am, lost in\u00a0a\u00a0new\u00a0world I used to understand, wanting one of each\u00a0and yet longing for my old clarity.<\/p>\n<\/div>\nRead More ...<\/a><\/div>\n<\/div>

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How Old is Too Old?<\/b><\/strong><\/h2>\n

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Is it ageism to have age limits on certain professions or roles?\u00a0Am I working against my own interests when I take age into account when voting, or choosing someone to work with such as a doctor, hairdresser or salesperson?\u00a0If you have read any of our newsletters, you know we are unapologetically against ageism and ready to call it out when we see it and yet this issue gives us real pause.<\/p>\n

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I know that my stamina is not what it used to be, and I think it would be very hard for me to do my former job as well as I used to, and I would not vote for me or my brilliant friends to run the country.<\/p>\n

We accept that there are age limits on police, fire and pilots, it makes sense to us even though many could work successfully beyond the low retirement age established.\u00a0I think this is the key, they understand that some pilots may fly better at sixty than at 30, but they are unwilling to take the risk.\u00a0They have the \u201cbetter safe than sorry\u201d approach and everyone accepts it.\u00a0But too many immensely important roles have no upper age limit and, even if it is obvious that it is time to retire, no real mechanism to respectfully move people out.<\/p>\n

It is a dilemma; should we judge a person\u2019s ability to continue working just by age?\u00a0Like so many dilemmas, the answer is yes and no.\u00a0I like the fact that we don\u2019t have a mandatory age for retirement in this country, but I think more roles should have the courage of the police, fire and pilots\u2014for the good of our communities we should draw a line.\u00a0The following roles come to my mind to create a hard retirement age and I know this is going to be very controversial:\u00a0\u00a0Teaching, the Supreme Court, elected officials, doctors (especially surgeons), nurses, construction workers.\u00a0We need to create a non-negotiable retirement age because it is too hard to devise a test or state a standard that covers all situations or it could put the burden on leaders to make hard decisions on which they may demure.\u00a0By the way, I am not suggesting that each of these roles have the same retirement age.<\/p>\n

As I reread this newsletter,\u00a0I realize I don\u2019t have a one hundred percent conviction that I am right, particularly with regard to my list\u00a0and I am concerned that I have put off many people, but it feels directionally correct.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0Your thoughts would be appreciated.<\/p>\n<\/div>\nRead More ...<\/a><\/div>\n<\/div>

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Trad Wife No More<\/h2>\n

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How many meals have you prepared?\u00a0How many times have you cleaned your house, how many loads of laundry have you washed?\u00a0How many parties have you hosted and vacations planned?\u00a0How many interminable baseball or soccer games have you watched your children play? How much homework have you overseen?\u00a0How many hours have you spent taking care of grandchildren or elderly parents?<\/p>\n

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This is life.\u00a0Much of it has been glorious and you would gladly put yourself right back there now.\u00a0But it is also work that never seems to end; after, let\u2019s say, 40 years of marriage, 14,600 dinners have been prepared.\u00a0Let\u2019s say you only made two-thirds of them so 9,636 dinners, not to mention lunches, breakfasts and snacks.\u00a0So, let\u2019s just round it off to 25,000 meals.\u00a0The most common lament I hear among my friends is, I am sick of cooking, coming up with meals and shopping.<\/p>\n

We, baby boomer women, broke the pattern that most women stayed home full time; many of us went to work and thrived.\u00a0But let\u2019s be honest, our men and the society that surrounded us still believed the house and children and social life belonged to the little woman.\u00a0Sure, you can work, as long as nothing slips at home.<\/p>\n

We were a-traditional trad wives, and now with a lot more feminist history behind us and daughters and granddaughters that are showing us the way, we don\u2019t want to be trad wives anymore.\u00a0We want to be partners, and witty, sexy companions. Our days as chief cook and caretaker are over and we are handing in our retirement notice.<\/p>\n

If you found our profile on a dating site, it would say we like to travel, try new adventures, take long walks on the beach and make new friends.\u00a0We may love to read, garden, workout, or create art.\u00a0Nowhere in our profile does it say, we want to cook every meal and endlessly clean the house like Sisyphus.<\/p>\n

We love our husbands and know that we are blessed to have partners and homes to clean, food to cook and grandchildren to love.\u00a0But why can\u2019t we truly retire\u2014not just from our paying careers but the other career we always carried as our double duty.\u00a0So, we either do all the work equally, we outsource it or maybe some of it just doesn\u2019t get done.<\/p>\n

We officially retire our trad wife position, and we have decided to be reborn as girlfriends!<\/p>\n<\/div>\nRead More ...<\/a><\/div>\n<\/div>

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The Best Things in Life aren’t Things<\/b><\/strong><\/h2>\n

(Art Buchwald)<\/b><\/strong><\/p>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

You spent a lifetime curating your lifelong possessions.\u00a0Maybe you were a collector, or you liked to buy pieces when you travelled so you have physical reminders of your journeys.\u00a0Is your home your sanctuary and you love to be surrounded by memories; your mother\u2019s china, your grandmother\u2019s mirror, your father\u2019s pipe collection and pictures of your children, everywhere. Was art your weakness, or was it jewelry or hats or frogs?<\/p>\n

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Whether you wanted it or not, do you have your mother, grandmother and mother-in-law\u2019s stuff beautifully packed away? And now, as you are getting ready to simplify or downsize your life and have your own children and grandchildren enjoy some of these treasures, all you hear is, \u201cno thank you\u201d.\u00a0How many times have you had this discussion with your friends\u2014no one wants any of the stuff I have cherished and cared for all these years.\u00a0Could that beautiful china or linens wind up in a trash heap?\u00a0The thought hurts our heart.<\/p>\n

Not to generalize, but the millennial taste seems quite minimalistic.\u00a0Dishes are white, or if you want to go a little crazy, they might be white on white.\u00a0A pop of color literally means two blue cushions in a grey room.\u00a0And so, they look at our gorgeous, sometimes ornate stuff and they just want no part of it.\u00a0It has no connection to their casual lifestyle and clean lines.<\/p>\n

So, what to do with all these amazing, gorgeous, interesting artifacts?\u00a0We could just let them handle it when we are gone, maybe they will grow into some of the stuff, but they have already said they will pass.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0I hate to say it, but I have heard some say that even Goodwill doesn\u2019t want the china, linens, goblets and tea sets.<\/p>\n

One suggestion is to separate the sentimental from the valuable.\u00a0You need to be ruthless in this audit.\u00a0You can make a list for your heirs so they understand what they should try and sell because it has real value.\u00a0Or sell it yourself, and go on as many nice vacations as it will provide.<\/p>\n

My favorite suggestion comes from those who say, I now use all my best stuff every day.\u00a0If I chip it, I throw it away.\u00a0I feel elegant and I am surrounded by my history.\u00a0I entertain my friends and they appreciate it.\u00a0All this wonderful stuff is no longer packed away for the next generations who don\u2019t want it.\u00a0It is being used and loved as it should be.<\/p>\n

And also, it is only stuff, but the memories it evokes are priceless.<\/p>\n<\/div>\nRead More ...<\/a><\/div>\n<\/div>

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Martyrdom Is So 1990<\/b><\/strong><\/h2>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

As we look back on our younger selves, we frequently hear had a serious career, I was the primary caretaker for the children, the house was largely my responsibility as was our social life, including vacation planning.\u00a0We don\u2019t even remember complaining about exhaustion or the unfairness of it all.\u00a0We were awakening to the fact that the men in our lives should have a greater role in parenting the children, but we were just at the beginning of those heated debates.\u00a0women ask, how did I do all that?<\/p>\n

We see our daughters, nieces and even grandchildren now at this exhausting phase and progress has been made. At the risk of generalization, millennial fathers got the memo. They are equal partners in parenting, as it should be, but it is a massive change in one generation.\u00a0We see many millennial men who are the primary cooks and grocery shoppers in the house.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

And despite all of the above, millennial women still complain about being over-burdened, with high anxiety and exhaustion.\u00a0They often discuss self-care, me-time, and personal wellbeing.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0They even accept that their partners have like needs.\u00a0And you know what, they have it right!\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Fine, men are stepping up and have acknowledged that these are their children too, and that the whole family has to eat and they could learn how to braid hair.\u00a0But life is still tough on women and we all know why.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Then we look at us baby boomers and we still haven\u2019t gotten with the vocabulary of self-care, or me time or just focusing on ourselves without at least a twinge of guilt.\u00a0You might be selflessly taking care of the grandchildren, which may be a great joy but still exhausting.\u00a0Or, you might be a caretaker for either your aging parents or your partner.\u00a0Are you fearful of leaving the house for many hours in case your partner needs you?\u00a0Do you have short vacations, not too far away because you are essentially on call for your parents or grandchildren? Do you still carry the larger load for your lives? <\/span><\/p>\n

We just don\u2019t stop and say, what about me?\u00a0I want to delve deep into my hobby or go away to a bridge or Maj tournament for a week-end.\u00a0I want to do nothing, or simply make the things that I enjoy a big part of my routine.\u00a0Cut the martyrdom, learn from the millennials and for once in your life and the rest of your life put yourself first. <\/span><\/p>\nRead More ...<\/a><\/div>\n<\/div>

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Games and Our Brains<\/b><\/strong><\/h2>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

We often hear that playing games, while fun and engaging, does not save us from dementia or Alzheimer\u2019s disease.\u00a0Well, it turns out that the answer is much more nuanced than a simple \u201cno\u201d.\u00a0We have zero formal neurological training, but we did a little research using the AI platform Gemini, and what we found was fascinating, so we wanted to share it with you.<\/p>\n

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First of all, it appears that a lot of research has been done on this topic and while there appears to be no guarantee of a cure, there is a clear link between gaming and\u00a0delaying<\/b><\/strong>\u00a0symptoms or improving the quality of life.\u00a0\u00a0For example, a study at the University of Iowa suggests that certain types of cognitive games can delay decline by up to seven years, not stopping the disease, but keeping us functioning longer.\u00a0I am listening!
\nWe can\u2019t cover all the research here but let me get to the questions I can hear you asking. What games and\u00a0what helps what?
\nResearch points to three categories of games:<\/p>\n

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  1. Puzzles, such as Sudoku or Crosswords, impact memory and logic. They have found that daily players often test at a level of someone 8 years younger.<\/span><\/li>\n
  2. Strategy games, such as Chess, Bridge or Mahjong help executive function and result in higher cognitive reserve.<\/span><\/li>\n
  3. Exergames, which are movement based provide a physical and cognitive link. Combining physical movement with gaming shows the strongest impact on brain structure.<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

    Engagement is a critical factor, so if the game is too easy the brain does not develop new neural connections.\u00a0Social gaming offers a double benefit, as the \u201csocial workout\u201d is as important as the \u201cmental workout\u201d.<\/p>\n

    In summary, gaming of any type does not appear to prevent the disease entirely, but they can delay the onset of Alzheimer\u2019s disease significantly.\u00a0\u00a0Games can be very effective at improving processing speed and executive function in healthy older adults.<\/p>\n

    Per Gemini, here are some platforms recommended by neuroscientists and aging experts to help challenge our brains.\u00a0We have not had the chance to play with any of these and we don\u2019t know if there is a cost.<\/p>\n